hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize