i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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