She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
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3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
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I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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