Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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