He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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