at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
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