EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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