Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
