i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
