There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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