I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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