her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
no, he came in my armpit
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
