I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
