it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
