fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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