i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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