I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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