he puts the penis in happiness.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
