Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
