i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
