mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
