Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
