I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
