The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize