kristin has been a bad kristin
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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