My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
