My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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