I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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