After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
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