I hate all girls vehemently.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
