It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I need moral support for this bender
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You don't make any sense
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