She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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