hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
