Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
