dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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