Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
