Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
