If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
