Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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