two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
