My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
