he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
