just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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