Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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