someone get that fucking seahorse.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's blow job season.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
