she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies