just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.