there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
