Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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