2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
