can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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