can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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