yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
