why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
