My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh god it's open bar.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
