sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
