She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
