Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
